To make a short story long…..
For quite some time my brother has been staying with us, well actually, renting a room from us. It started with trying to help him accomplish his goals of becoming a fire fighter. He stayed with us for about 3 months for free while trying to get on his feet, get a job etc. We fed him, let him use our laundry soap, paper plates, toilet paper, paper towels etc. Once he got a job and he still didn’t offer to contribute, we decided it was time for him buy his own food at least. Every Sunday I got up at 5:30 to take him to his Fire Explorer training and picked him up again at noon. While it doesn’t seam like much for some, hauling around my then 2 kids that early in the morning was not something I looked forward to, not to mention that I was quite pregnant with my third. Gas was at least 3 dollars a gallon so that was another sore point. At times it got even more frustrating to see him not puting much effort into his career goal, this especially bothered me as I saw him take advantage of my Mom and Stepfathers generosity. Eventually leading up to them paying for his school 3 times and his rent when he lost his job and equipment/clothes for his schooling and fire fighter goals. This only led to arguements (between us) and harboring bad feelings.
Cleanliness has always been an issue and even as I tried harder not to harp on the little things, apparently he saw this as, the less he does the more I leave him alone. All of this time, cutting off his internet when he doesn’t do the things he agreed to do, was our sole recourse or penalty. We couldn’t charge fees as he couldn’t affor anymore. We didn’t want to threaten to kick him out every week as that is not how we want to be. The things we asked of him were to sweep once per month, vacuum once per month, clean his bathroom once per week and pick up after himself. His choice of one day of the week to do his laundry. We didn’t ask him to do dishes, only rince his and set them aside, pick up trash, clean the pool, or any thing else. He knew that if he did not do these things, internet would be turned off. Yet EVERY time internet was turned off, he acted like he just didn’t understand how we could do that to him. It was simple, we ask you to respect us by keeping those things up, after blatent disrespect so many times we thought maybe doing that would help him be aware of it more and keep up on those things. It worked slightly, he did the stuff maybe 50 percent of the time rather than zero percent of the time.
Most recently he couldn’t pay his rent because he had gambled all his money. This was the second time he had done it since living with us (he has paid us now). Well, after his rent wasn’t paid and he’d avoided us for a week, leaving his room where you could hardly see the floor, stink coming out from under the door and trash piled up all over. Laundry in my way, and the bathroom still not disinfected… My husband had enough, he turned off his internet and cable – mainly for leaving such a mess and hoping to get his attentin enough to get the job done. To this my brother had a major meltdown and we could feel the chip on his shoulder even through his forced Hi’s and Bye’s. Even when my husband decided to vacuum, rather than coming to see if he could do it, my brother just shut his bedroom door. Sooooo….. After what I thought was progress, at least we were all trying to be decent to each other and talk things out my brother left the house mad. When he came back I wanted to tell him we can revisit the subject next time in an even more calm matter…but he refused to open his door. He tried to make me talk through the door several times as I said it’ll only take a second (I was leaving). Rather than argue whether or not he would open the door, through the door and having difficulty hearing him, that was it. After so much had gone on, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I told him to just get the f#$%& out. I couldn’t resist. I really tried to keep my temper cool but this was all after hearing a bunch of baloney about how he wanted to do less around the house, as if there was much less than that, and how he wanted his internet regardless of his own actions. I just couldn’t take it any more and told him to get out by Feb 7th. Two weeks, since he was on a pay by the week deal anyway.
Well, 5 days later he is out of our house! Today was a new day, a NEW START. I still love my brother but the respect is gone. He has gone to my Mom’s house to stay and save up money to get into a new place, yet he went out gambling last nigt…uh hello! Wow. Anyway, he is usually soft spoken, and generally a nice guy but it sure was nice to be able to walk around my house in a T SHIRT & PANTIES and not worry about him walking in. I have an extra room now that he is out, that can be decorated any way I like and made into a sewing room. I am thinking about painting something fun in there for me and the girls to enjoy. We’ll see. At least my fabric and stuff will be in it’s own spot now! Yay!